ESPN presents the X-Games

Some of you may not know this, but I recently participated in the 2005 ESPN X-Games, sponsored by Mountain Dew. My wife, the occupational therapist, pushed me into it when she introduced me to the concept of Energy Conservation. This is the OT concept where you find small ways to rest when you are doing an exerting task so that you have enough energy to complete said task. It may seem a bit silly but we have found ourselves stuck walking to the subway on hot days while carrying bags of heavy groceries. At that point we are both grumpy and tired and we usually joke that we needed to be better at energy conservation. Of course, only I would have the brilliant idea to make it “X-TREME!”

Read on for a transcription of the ESPN commentary by Chuck Wonder and Travis Pastrana. For myself, I will use the nickname, “Opera Guy.”

CW: Well, Travis, Opera Guy started off well with his choice of a wool-blend, navy-blue suit and dessert shoes on an 80-degree day. Talk about setting yourself up for a challenge! The judges must take this kind of commitment into account when they score him at the end of this grueling first day of competition. With an eye doctor appointment in Brooklyn Heights, a temp interview in mid-town, and an audition on the upper west side, this guy could be the craziest athlete I've ever seen!

TP: You bet, Chuck! When he forgot his water bottle and started off by walking four blocks to the A/C Train rather than taking the G, I really thought he would put himself out of the competition. We are hovering at about 98% humidity here!

CW: He got lucky that the eye doctor's office was as air-conditioned as Hannibal Lechter's meat locker.

TP: Opera Guy made some good decisions by not giving up his seat on the subway for the group of orphans and their 80-year old chaperone... a nun!

CW: The judges have to be impressed that the passengers only shot him dirty looks. I'm not sure how he manages to look so cool and comfortable while those children are sobbing, pressed up against the glass. Wait... did that nun just faint? He really is a master of X-TREME Energy Conservation!

TP: Sorry to interrupt, Chuck, but he just transferred to an Express 4 and he scored a seat big enough to put his feet up! This could give him the edge he needs to really take this competition to the next level!

CW: You know, Opera Guy has really adapted well to this mass-transit system. It is a tribute to his ability to sit still and look at maps for hours on end. I'd be interested to see how he did in, say... Japan... would he look this cool and collected? I don't think so.

TP: We have to cut to a commercial. By the time we get back, he should be nearing Grand Central and facing the walk pass his favorite Starbuck's.

CW: Let's hope he can avoid the temptation of an extra-hot, non-fat, mocha!

---Cut to commercial---