Brooklyn Bridge is falling down, falling down, falling down...

The following post was done by trained professionals. Do not attempt to recreate these events outside of New York. Children, do not try to imitate these situations, it may result in death or dismemberment.

In the past few days, two dear friends have had some terrible spills as they walked along the streets of New York. My friend, "La Diva," fell as she crossed 76th Street on the Upper West Side. It was a horrible fall and she needed multiple stitches and a black and blue mark covered most of her face.

I spoke to her after the fall and she told me that almost before she hit the ground, she could hear people shouting and coming to her aid. She was helped up and an ambulance was called instantly.

Likewise, the Scottsman, my boss, took two falls. Yesterday he was with his daughter and they were surrounded by people in a flash. He was fine and walked it off. As we were chatting about his fall this morning, I told him about La Diva's fall and apparently he felt the need to "one-up" her.

Today he was walking with a client and fell. Again, strangers crowded around to help him but this time, he fell in front of Hermes. A staff member saw him and insisted he come into the store where he sat down and they offered him a brandy to steady his nerves.

So what have we learned, kids? If you must take a fall, do so in New York City, where help is only a few steps away. When you choose your location, fall in front of Hermes because they offer free drinks for the gravitationally challenged.

Kitty- if you are reading this post, please don't start throwing yourself at the ground for free drinks!

Things we love, Pt. 4- update

If these aren't the Most Important Gawddam Dumplings in the World (tm), why would I wait for 45 minutes to get five of them?

I had time to kill before rehearsal and I decided that I needed dinner. Eldrich is on the way. At some point, though, you wonder if these spectacular, little dumplings are just not worth it. Apparently, they keep one person behind the counter to take orders and then immediately disappear into the back room, never to return again. At least 15 customers were served, ate and left before I received these impeccably fried, succulent dumplings. Maybe it was because I didn't order in Chinese or maybe it is because I had the look of a nice guy who wouldn't blow his top. Of course, as I sat at rehearsal and ate those perfectly created bites of heaven, all is forgiven and the pain and insecurity of waiting in line washes away with each delightful pocket of delicately spiced pork.

Refinement, NYC style.

Standing on the corner of 57th and Madison, a slight woman stands on the sidewalk. She is wearing a black overcoat with a fur collar, black gloves and her blonde hair is perfectly coiffed. She is a little bit older, perhaps in her early sixties, but there is an aura of refinement as she steps off the sidewalk and her high-heeled boots step out onto the street. The light hasn't changed yet, but, like most New Yorkers, she seeps forward with the crowd to get that "head start" on the walk to her next shopping destination. As she stands there, a car goes by her, making a turn off of 57th on to Madison. Perhaps the car was a hair to close to her as it made the turn. That is probably why a $500 glove was removed and a perfectly manicured middle finger was raised as the car roars by.

I'm sure I've mentioned this before, here in the city, obsenity has been elevated from a seasoning to a side dish. In some cases, it's a super-sized order of fries. I'm surprised at how we function here in the city with that slight edge. As I look around and see the gestures and hear the yelling, I wonder if it isn't a means to just "blow off steam." With the crowds and the noise, we all need a way to let go of the anger we feel when we get cut off in traffic or a cab splashes us as it turns the corner. Better a little obscenity now and then, I suppose.