For most of you regular readers, you may not have had any idea as to how much of a geek I really am. This entry will prove it. If you don't want to know, don't read this!
The Goddam Jedis get all the perks.
The Javits Center is a huge building that takes up about 5 city blocks. It's immensity was magnified by the fact that the line snaked around the building from a lower entrance, around the corner across a little street and up a hill to 11th Avenue and 44th Street where I stood. It was a
chilly, chilly day and as you know, it is always 10 degrees freezing my backside off. What made it worse was that us non-Jedis were being guarded by stormtroopers (the most incompetent footsoldiers in the galaxy) and Jawas. Yes, they were cooler by the water. Frankly, I was mutant, giant Jawas, but hell... they were Jawas!! I would have settled for a Gammorean Guard! But Jawas? REALLY!!!!Looking through the glass, I could see the goddam Jedis practicing in full costume with their costumes. I knew that somewhere around here there was a special line just for them. I'm ready to enroll in the club so that next year I won't have to wait in line! When a bunch of them came out to smoke and chat with the non-Jedis in line, I wanted to jump the wall and beat them. Even if they could use their Jedi powers on me, they smoked... I could totally take them if they had the nicotine shakes. The Jedi group did light saber demonstrations during the day. I give them full props for their show. Take a look at the videos on their website. They did a good job.
When the line finally started moving and I made it into the building, they were all there trying to sell me custom-made lightsabers that could be used for dueling. It was... well... interesting. I've always wanted a light saber. I don't want Kitty to disown me and so I moved on and into the Convention itself.
I'm no Superman
I've decided that comic book costumes look better in 2d. I tried to get a pic with Spiderman but he was much more popular than the Blue Beetle and the Flash. I can't imagine why. I hope these guys got paid a million bucks for this. Could you imagine putting this on your resume? These guys were in remarkably good spirits considering the tightness of their pants.A Brave (and Strange) New World
As I entered the main part of the Convention, I realized the scope of the event. All the major comic publishers were represented (Marvel, DC, Dark Horse) and also some of the newer publishers (TokyoPop). There were plasma tvs set up where you could try the latest video games and even ones that weren't out yet. There were vendors selling rare comics, toys based on comics, t-shirts, posters and also many vendors selling children's books.
As I walked by some of the video game vendors, I realized that I was seeing one of the rarer species on earth, the "Booth Babe." A Booth Babe is the female of our species that is wearing a skimpy outfit and trying to look vaguely interested in the "geek product" that she is trying to sell. It's hard work because geeks have a reputation of not having girlfriends or even good skills at dealing with people of the opposite sex. Booth Babes are known for their ability to avoid giving out their phone numbers, yet making the geeks feel like they are special and they should buy the video game, comic, or whatever. You'll notice that I don't have pictures of a Booth Babe. I'll refer you to my previous comment about lightsabers, I could have taken a picture but I didn't want Kitty to disown me.
Drawing on their Skill Set
The second floor was known as Artist's Alley. Walking down the aisles, I saw countless comic book artists- some famous, some aspiring- showing off their work. They would sign comics for free or you could buy original art by them. The works varied in size and composition and some of them were absolutely beautiful. They would have been a great decoration in our apartment. Some pictures would have fit in perfectly against our Calla Lilly-colored walls that were chosen by the Scottsman, our decorator. Of course, I'd like to refer you to my earlier comments about lightsabers and Booth Babes... I don't want Kitty to disown me. The Scottsman would probably whack me outside the head as well if I put a comic book picture into an apartment that he worked so hard on!
Beyond the Alley
Walking through the Alley, the second floor room opened up into a large hall where competitive gaming was taking place. In this case, all of the games were board games such as Dreamscape and D&D Miniatures or card games like Pokemon, Magic and more obscure games. Around the perimeter of the room you could get autographs from celebrities (such as some of the cast of Buffy the Vampire Slayer) or notorious people like:
I would have paid $20 bucks to get my picture taken with him and get his autograph, but I fear that, like light sabers, Booth Babes, and framed comic art, Kitty would have said, "Watchoo talkin' 'bout!" and disowned me.Delving Deep
At about 3 p.m., I finally found my way to the basement. Here there was a giant space where Steven King had made a speech at 11 a.m. Yes, I missed it entirely. There was a screening of The Hills Have Eyes 2 and Hostel 2. For those of you who don't know those films, they star Oscar-winners Dame Judi Dench and Dame Helen Mirren who go about killing tourists in Europe. Ok. I made up some of that. And yes, I missed both entirely. As I walked through the door, Kevin Smith was chit chatting with audience members (about 1,000). I like some of his movies but I felt that my time was coming to a close. I was hitting the wall.
Closing Thoughts
As I left the Javits Center after 8 hours of non-stop geekitude, I realized that I hadn't really talked to anyone all day. Sure, I had played every game demo that was there, and I scored two free t-shirts (one said, "Pirates: Getting Booty since 1732"), and I picked up tons of free comics and magazines (two full plastic bags worth!). In the end, I knew that next year I would need back up and RoboGuy and the Secret Agent would have to come join me. We all went to high school together, read comics and played D&D together and when my good judgment takes hold and I wonder if I should shell out the bucks, they will make sure that I'll come home with a light saber, pictures of Booth Babes, a large framed picture of Wonder Woman and Gary Coleman's autograph. Since they will have the same things, they'll have to explain it to their wives too!
